It's been a little over two months since my last journal entry, and quite a bit has changed.
I had every intention of writing in September, but truthfully, I wasn't feeling very inspired. The last couple of months have been some of the most challenging, frustrating, and confusing months of my artistic practice thus far.
In August, I attended a networking event in Tampa that forced me to confront something I'd been avoiding for quite some time: I had spent the better part of eight months creating a collection of ceramics that I didn't particularly love.
I was making what I thought other people would want. Pieces that felt versatile, approachable, and appropriate for weddings. And after all that time spent trying to anticipate what might appeal to others, I showed up to that event only to discover that the work wasn't resonating with them either.
That was a difficult realization.
But it also left me with a question I hadn't been asking nearly enough.
What do I actually want to make?
After the event, I found myself considering two options. I could continue developing the collection I'd already spent months working on, refining the pieces, improving my technical execution, and bringing the concept back to the market for further testing. After all, I'd been telling myself that all I needed was one yes to get J. Elaine Studio off the ground.
The other option was to scrap the entire collection and take my work in a completely different direction. At the time, I didn't consciously decide to explore an aesthetic that was practically the opposite of what I'd been creating. But looking back, that's exactly what I did.
And I won't pretend that starting over has been easy.
The last couple of months have required me to rethink so many things simultaneously. I've been developing an entirely new collection while questioning where my work belongs in the world, who it might resonate with, and whether I even have the technical skills to bring the ideas in my head to life. Some days I've felt incredibly excited about the direction I'm heading, and other days I've felt frustrated, uninspired, and completely overwhelmed.
But I've kept showing up, practicing, and giving myself permission to experiment.
And the pieces I'm making now absolutely feel more like me.
When people reject my work now, yes, of course it will sting a little. But I don't think it will hurt nearly as much as being rejected for the plain white collection I'd made before. Because this time, I haven't betrayed myself in search of approval. I've simply made things that I think are awesome.
I ultimately want my art to be of service to others, which to me means collaboration will play a huge role in my practice. I also recognize that collaboration will sometimes require compromise. There will be moments when I need to adapt my personal style to serve a larger creative vision or experience, and I'm completely open to that. But I think it's important to first understand what my own artistic voice sounds like before I start adjusting it to fit someone else's.
And right now, this feels like the right place to start.
These last two and a half months have taught me just how important it is to stay true to ourselves when creating art. I don't think any of us are smart enough to predict exactly what kind of art will resonate with whom. And if J. Elaine Studio fails, at least I will have expressed myself fully. At least the work I've created will have been honest. At least I will have had the courage to expose a piece of my soul to the world.
I've also thought about how I might have felt if I'd received an overwhelmingly positive response at the networking event in Tampa. For a while, it probably would have felt amazing. But I wonder if, eventually, that validation would have stunted my growth as an artist. Would I have been afraid to take risks? Would I have hesitated to explore a different artistic direction out of fear of losing the approval I'd worked so hard to earn?
I don't know.
But I feel free now.
And maybe someday I'll return to that first collection with fresh eyes, new skills, and the confidence to reimagine it. But for now, I'm moving on.
I still have so much further to go. But I think it's nice to look back every once in a while and recognize just how far we've come.
And why did I name this entry Never Miss Twice?
It's a principle James Clear writes about in his book Atomic Habits, and something I reference in my day-to-day life.
I missed last month's journal entry, but I won't miss two in a row.
Espresso cup from new collection <3
